A Journey; Comfortably Lost
It’s taken me a while to find a sense of peace in where I am now, after what I’ve been through because truthfully I kept coming back to those memories like some forgotten battlefield, trying to pick up the broken pieces of myself I had left behind.
Those pieces are gone, and the man I was is dead, I laid him to rest beneath a willow tree, amidst a thunderstorm.
The battle I found isn’t just dealing with what’s happened to you, or during when it’s happening, but struggling with yourself after the fact, thinking you should be somewhere, or farther than the road than you are.
What we don’t realize is simply this; healing takes time and that same healing process is going to be slower or faster for everyone.
It’s okay for someone to be on a different part of the road than you, because truthfully that’s exactly what this journey is, being lost on a road, or in the woods, in a patch of tall grass, and just not seeing a way out, or where you’re going.
Sometimes words, or even a hug, arent enough to brace for the impact certain events have on our lives. I recently had an event that brought me so close to the edge of my own reality, it scared me.
I think it’s because of what I was thinking about doing to myself, and what I wasn’t thinking about was what I was leaving behind.
I don’t ever want to be in that place again, and the funny part is, I was so ready to do that, it wouldn’t have been anything to do it, and that’s a tragedy all to its own.
We never know what someone else is struggling with, or has struggled with, so be kind, smile. Even if it’s a simple hello, and if you can’t manage that, you know what?
You don’t have to do anything either, that’s okay. Just do your best not to be cruel. But back to my point, this wasn’t a soapbox about being kind, but more of a…cheers, I know where you are, because I’m there too.
A solidarity salute to those who are lost in the dark, after they climbed from the abyss to find the light, and find out you're still fucking lost.
I think that’s the point to what I’m getting at, I found when I realized that’s the new normal, this feeling of lost, that had overcome me, is this life?
Is this what it’s always been? I’m not sure because everyone’s perception of reality is wildly different from the person sitting next to you.
In all of that, I found a profound sense of peace I’m now calling, “Comfortably Lost”
Someone told me to embrace the now, and who I’ve become, for better or worse, that battlefield is part of me now. It’s my now, it’s the rocks, and bumps in the road, the trees in the forest, and sharp blades of grass that nip at your chin, and ears.
My eyes opened at that moment when I realized this is my now, this is profoundly part of who I am. I am comfortably lost, and that’s okay, we don’t always need to know where we’re going to enjoy life.
Wherever you’re going today my friends, remember it’s okay to be lost, just enjoy it comfortably, and remember to smile along the way.
